I hate doing what I don’t want to do. I’m selfish(ish). I want to enjoy every second of every day. Regrettably, no matter how much I wish otherwise, I don’t enjoy working out….and a host of other necessary tasks. We all know there are some things we just have to do. But, other things, many things, we do – but should we be doing them?
Here are my rules:
1. Do I want to do the thing? If yes, then I do it. If no then I ask:
2. Will I be happy I did it when it’s over? If yes, then I do it. If no, then I don’t do it.
I created these rules to solve the cognitive burden of obligations – the things on my calendar that I didn’t want to do. At one point I did want them on my calendar but when they no longer served me, I couldn’t uncommit. And, I wasn’t happy about it. I decided that a new year was the perfect time to hold myself accountable to my rules.
Now for the nuance, caveats and more questions:
3. Is it important to someone I love? If yes, then I probably do it.
4. Does it make me better? If yes, then I probably do it.
A general rule of thumb is that I want to be in situations where I feel an expansive energy. I pay attention to how I’m feeling: expansive or constricted. If I’m feeling squeezed, why? Because I also have to own my role in the energy of the environment I’m in. If I’m in a leadership position, I better be bringing the right kind of energy. And, if I’m not in a leadership role, how am I contributing to the betterment (or otherwise) of the energy in the room?
Sometimes, things are hard and we need to do hard things. Hard things make us better. Sometimes, when I’m nervous, I tell myself that my nervousness is really just excitement. Reframing or choosing to see things differently is like a little miracle….all of a sudden that “thing” isn’t the same “thing” anymore.
This year, if I’m doing something I don’t want to do, I’m going to ask my questions and it’s pass/fail. If it fails, it goes! As long as I believe in my questions (and I do), I can ditch the obligation and I can ditch the guilt too.
